WHY I'M STARTING TO FEEL SORRY FOR WAYNE

By Andy Ritchie

SYMPATHY costs nothing but, for some strange reason - no doubt associated with my crazy career - I’m never too liberal with it.

So today’s question is: do I feel sorry for Wayne Rooney? Or, more accurately: do I feel sorry for multi-millionaire Wayne Rooney?

Well, here’s one straight from the Surprise, Surprise catalogue. Yes, I do.

Hey, the World Cup is off and running and people can hopefully concentrate on the football rather than the urban protests that have provided an uncertain backdrop in the long run-up.

But I fear all cannot be well on Rooney’s doorstep. It seems open season has been declared on him. He’s been getting it in the ear from Gary Lineker, Paul Scholes (his old colleague at Manchester United) and, soon, is due a performance assessment of a different nature from a former prostitute.

If the producers of Big Brother have their way, Helen Wood will recall his alleged three-in-a-bed sex exploits.

Poor lad: he’s got nothing going for him, has he? He’s got £250,000 a week and he doesn’t go without, if you know what I mean. What else is there in life?

Well, for starters, there is this World Cup in Brazil. It’s an important one for Rooney. To employ highwayman-speak, he’s got to stand and deliver. Whatever, he goes into action against Italy with the weight of the world balanced on his shoulders.

Forget Lineker and Wood. I reckon Scholes, the guy who for years worked and played beside the Liverpudlian in Manchester United colours, has been successful in inserting a shaft of doubt in Rooney’s mind by saying that his best days may be behind him.

So, has this former wonder kid, at 28, gone past his sell-by date at a time when he should be uprooting forests of football trees?

Has he fulfilled his potential? I think he has. He’s been lurking about our game for 12 years now since making his professional debut for Everton aged just 16. He’s scored a multitude of goals and stood the test of Premier League durability: he’s made great donations to the cause of Man Utd, and also been England’s best player for the last ten years.

You could comfortably argue that he’s not an undisputed genius like Lionel Messi. There have always been question marks hovering over his head - the way he lived his life, his weight, his hairstyle!

Look, we would have been raving about him probably had he moved to Real Madrid or Barcelona. Maybe his career would have gone in a different and more positive direction.

But the fact is that he’s stayed around his homeland for so long; we tend to become a bit bored with players like him when that happens and begin to stick pins in effigies. That’s what has happened here.

Possessing the neck of a bulldog, he’s got issues with weight - he’s the type who goes out of condition very quickly - and he probably won’t make old bones as a footballer. I can’t see him performing at any level at 35.

You might say it’s over the top to say he’s over the hill. But Scholes is close enough to the situation to put a decent handle on it. Indeed, he’s probably not a million miles from being right, because Rooney’s had all those tough years. And there’s only so long you can do that.

As for the Scholes issue, he’s spent all his career without a good word to say to the media - and now he can’t stop talking.

I wouldn’t think that his dig was intended as a spur. I think it was somewhere between telling the truth and - call me an old cynic - him doing something controversial for his Paddy Power app line.

I imagine he’s been coaxed into doing this; someone’s said: “We don’t want any of that drivel you get in the newspapers: we want something that’s got a bit more meat on the bone. You’ll never have a media career unless you start shouting out.”

So, Scholes has shouted for England. The thing is he has another career - as a coach at Manchester United. I’d vote for the job of fly on the wall when pre-season training starts at Carrington. Scholes versus Rooney: a catch weight contest.

Has Rooney been affected by what’s been said? I’d say he has, considering his revelation that they never been close and never had each other’s telephone numbers. If it wasn’t affecting him, he should have said nothing. It seems it’s been preying on his mind.

I would seriously doubt whether he will be able to banish this cloud of negativity that has enveloped him. His performances last season were okay in a bad United team: I feel his performances will be likewise in an ordinary England team.

Many people think he’ll have a great World Cup to make up for all the previous disappointments, but I can’t see it. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I tend to sway towards the Scholes contention. He's not the player of a couple of seasons ago when he was hot to trot and the name on everyone’s lips.

Scholes, remember, sees him in training, knows what his condition is like. And that has always been a worry - Alex Ferguson has referred to it in the past. I can remember reading that he could lose his physical condition in a fortnight.

Mind you, when all is said and done, I don’t think England will survive their section. As I say, I bracket them in the 'B' division. And, if they come home early, the fans will need to blame somebody. I imagine Wayne would be a prime target should that happen.

Deep down, I hope he proves us all wrong and has a wonderful World Cup. If not, he may need any sympathy that’s out there. Mine included.

LAWWELL MAY FOLLOW LENNON OUT OF PARKHEAD

BY ANDY RITCHIE

I WAS spot on when I was the first to reveal that Neil Lennon would be leaving Celtic.

Followers of No Grey Areas were tipped off weeks ago that Lennon was poised to quit. Now I believe a second high profile figure may soon follow Lennon out of Celtic Park – chief executive Peter Lawwell.

The majority shareholder Dermot Desmond wants Roy Keane as Lennon’s successor and I believe that could hasten Lawwell’s departure.

Why do I think that? My gut instinct is that Keane wouldn’t be Lawwell’s preferred choice. Keane doesn’t strike me as the sort who is prepared to compromise and take instructions. I also get the distinct impression that when he sets his mind on doing something, he’s unshakable.

Lennon was Lawwell’s man. Keane is Desmond’s and I suspect there would be an inevitable clash of personalities.

It’s no secret either that Lawwell has been touting himself for high-powered chief executives roles with Premiership clubs. He was keen on the Arsenal job and there have been one or two others.

So, watch this space, and remember who told you first when there are further changes at the top at Celtic.

To be honest, I do think Lawwell really wanted to do more to try to persuade Lennon to stay. I believe he had already made his mind up that next season would be Lennon’s last and it suited him when the manager announced he was quitting.

No great effort was made to persuade Johan Mjallby to stay and it was made clear that other changes were required in the coaching staff, including Garry Parker leaving.

I reckon Lawwell thought the treble was a gimme, given how little pressure there is on Celtic at the moment domestically.

Lawwell expected a clean sweep of honours and losing to Morton in the League Cup and going out of the Scottish Cup to Aberdeen constituted major disappointments.

So, no great effort was made to keep Lennon. Significantly, there has been no gnashing of teeth or wailing from within in the wake of the announcement.

At least that was the feeling I got and I am sure Lennon read all the signs and reacted accordingly.

But if he’s honest with himself, he’ll probably reflect that he should have acted sooner when his stock was at its highest in the wake of Celtic beating Barcelona and qualifying for the last 16 in the Champions League.

If Keane does get the job I expect he’ll shake the place up and the fact that there are no credible challengers to Celtic’s dominance in the SPFL and Rangers are still stumbling around in the wilderness would probably make the transition fairly straightforward.

But while Desmond would be quite happy to see Keane in charge, I don’t think Lawwell would share that feeling.

Lennon was Lawwell’s man and he had to put up with a lot. Keane does not fit into the same category, in my opinion.

But, let’s be perfectly frank, the Honey Monster could move into the Celtic dug-out at the moment and be expected to win the treble.

But,  judging by their initial reaction to the news, whether the fans feel the same way about Keane is a different matter entirely.

FROM HERE TO OBSCURITY

By Andy Ritchie

THE gurus/gorillas at No Grey Areas have asked me to comment on the madness of the traditional managerial shuffle in both England and Scotland.

Well, this particular shuffle threatens to turn into a stampede. It began some weeks ago with the ousting of Malky Mackay at Cardiff and Davie Moyes at Manchester United, and has since gathered momentum.

And just think, we’re only just going into the close season, the traditional time for reassessing positions.

We’ll return to Malky (and his unreserved apology to Cardiff owner Vincent Tan) in a minute. I’m gonna start with one directly out of left field: my forecast is that Guy Poyet will leave Sunderland and go to West Ham.

For that to happen, of course, Sam Allardyce, would have to leave Upton Park. He’s the man, remember, whose name is inevitably on the lips of every chairman who sees his club disappearing down the nearest plughole.

But, since he’s managed to haul West Ham away from that plughole, I suppose he’s sort of expendable. So, enter the impressive Uruguayan, the wizard of Wearside. Well, that’s my reading of the situation - I trust myopia is not overtaking me!

I think that Poyet may have made the decision eight to ten weeks ago, even when he thought that Sunderland had no chance of wiping its feet on the welcome mat of the Premier Division next season. Alongside that, he maybe discovered that this wasn’t the club that he thought it was.

Let’s be circumspect and say he would have suspected that West Ham were looking to make changes, and it went on from there. Anyway, it wouldn’t be the world’s greatest surprise to see him installed in East London next season.

I’ll return to the Stadium of Light soon. First, let’s take a trip down White Hart Lane. It seems Mauricio Pochettino will shake the hand of Tottenham’s executioner-in-chief, Daniel Levy, any day soon - provided he starts speaking in English, of course.

Hey, my information is that the Argentinian’s English is very good. Why he refuses to do it on television is anyone’s guess. Even people who are close to his situation at Southampton don’t understand it.

Maybe it’s to keep a shield between himself and the public; maybe it’s to avoid being, er, misquoted. The laugh is that he’s responding to an English question in his own language before the interpreter has finished translating.

Anyway, should Pochettino take the Levy shilling and start speaking the Queen’s, there will be a vacancy at Southampton, a club due to lose players like Luke Shaw and Adam Lallana. The rumour is that Harry Redknapp might fancy a return to the south coast.

It didn’t go too well for old ’Arry last time, when I believe he entered conflict with a certain Sir Clive Woodward. The rugby guru, evidently, had a hotline to the chairman’s ear at the time and that was never going to be the ideal situation.

Why would Harry want to leave QPR? Might I suggest that the aroma of a ten-pound note might have something to do with it? Hey, if Harry was getting more money to return to Bournemouth, he’d be right up there with the ice cream sellers on the prom.

The Championship play-offs will determine all, I’d imagine. If Rangers don’t make it, hauling your arse up and down the road to faraway places with strange names like Huddersfield doesn’t quite hold the same allure.

Still, I don’t think it’s tablets of stone stuff yet. Southampton may very well have gone beyond the stage of Harry Redknapp. They would maybe like to bring in someone of the same ilk as Pochettino.

Many jobs could be up for grabs, It seems to be the way of the Premier world. A run of good results makes a man the flavour of Belgian chocolate, a run of bad ones puts him under pressure and there’s no safety net.

Davie Moyes (alias Billy McMoyes) knows that better than anyone. I suspect that, having sampled the white sands of Mauritius, or wherever, he’ll be ready to return and he’ll get a job again, no danger.

He won’t penetrate the top six again at the moment, so it’ll be Newcastle or Aston Villa. It’s suffice to say that I don’t think Paul Lambert will start next season as manager of Villa. The new people won’t want a regime that was less than successful.

The majority of these changes are the product of poor results, but the fall-out between Malky Mackay and Vincent Tan ran a lot deeper. Cardiff were in a position of safety when Mackay left them. So now a settlement (did he get any money?) has been made and a fulsome apology thrown into the mix.

As far as we know, there was nothing for which to apologise, so why would you do so? I don’t suppose we’ll ever really know the real story: it’s just one of the many unexplained tales that surround this game. Anyway, Mackay is now clear to take another job, and I expect him to go to West Brom very shortly.

Meanwhile, up here in Scotland but not, maybe, for very much longer lingers the Neil Lennon situation. There will be positions open to him down south - Norwich in the Championship and Sunderland in the Premier Division.

Take your pick. My message to sports journalists is see that you don’t run out of ink. There’s a lot more to come.

There are questions marks over the futures of Terry Butcher, John Hughes and also Jackie McNamara. Blackpool has gone, but will the lure of the Championship prove too strong for him?

Finally, I come to my old club, Morton. Who will be the next manager? I’m stumped with this one at the moment: give me 64,000 dollars and I still couldn’t tell you. All I’ll say is this: after Allan Moore and Kenny Shields, who will be the next one that the chairman plucks out of notoriety and plunges into obscurity?

Has Kenny Shiels lost it?

BY ANDY RITCHIE

IS Kenny Shiels operating a Community Outreach Scheme at Morton? It certainly seems so.

Cappielow has become a haven for waifs and strays since Shiels took over as manager, but if he seriously thinks he can change certain players’ outlooks and attitudes I reckon he’s sadly mistaken.

If Garry O’Connor wasn’t prepared to run about for £20,000-a-week in Russia, why would he suddenly be willing to bust a gut for a few hundred quid a week at Morton?

O’Connor’s not the only one. Shiels has brought in David Robertson, the former Dundee United and St Johnstone player, Slovakians and a Belgian, Kabba-Modou Cham, who is reportedly on £700-a-week.

It’s like Shiels is saying I’ll change their ways and turn their careers around because they’ve still got a lot to offer. Oh really?

The chairman, Douglas Rae was making noises 18 months ago about the club reverting to its previous part-time status unless the team went on a run and they did that at the time.

A year ago Morton were sitting second top of the league with the chance to go top if they beat Partick Thistle. In the event they drew 2-2 at Cappielow and were unlucky not to win.

Just 12 months after finishing second, Morton is five points adrift at the bottom. Yet, after saying at the start of the season that he was cutting the budget, the chairman must have reopened the purse strings.

The guys they’ve signed haven’t come to Greenock for three bangers and a balloon! So there are a lot of mixed messages coming out of the place.

Morton is effectively on their third team in a calendar year. The side from 12 months ago was broken up, then they created another one in August and that was also broken up and the manager sacked.

Now Shiels is creating his team and they are still struggling, rooted firmly to the bottom of the league in a desperate fight for survival to remain a full-time club.

Usually when a new manager takes over you get a positive response from players, but after Shiels came in the team went something like six games without a win in the SPFL Championship.

Are the rumours true that he lost the dressing room almost straight away – if, indeed, he ever had it in the first place?

I’m told before one game he began his pre-match team talk at two o’clock and was still talking at twenty to three while the players were desperate to do their warm-up.

Apparently when he was interviewed by the local TV station and asked why the new signings hadn’t made an immediate difference he replied “There is a problem with the association of the units.” Sorry, you what?

No much wonder his doctor told him to stop doing media interviews and shouting and bawling during games.

The doctor must obviously have diagnosed that he was suffering from a bad dose of bullshit and advised him to stay quiet for a few weeks!

Frankly, I think Shiels might well have lost the plot. Mind you, I find it strange that a man who was being interviewed for one of the top jobs in the Premiership at Inverness took the Morton job in the first place.

I fear for my old club. Maybe last weekend’s very good win at Livingston was the start of a bright new dawn, but the team needs to go on a run of four, five or six games to give themselves a chance of staying up.

Besides the Livingston result, the only other highlight this season was the League Cup win over Celtic.

I went with my pal Gerry Collins to the Raith Rovers game a couple of weeks ago, which finished goal-less, and the feeling I got from the crowd was one of grim acceptance that relegation is inevitable.

There was a lack of a supportive atmosphere and I thought “Oh, God this doesn’t bode well.” Not that I blame the fans.

Morton is drinking at the last chance saloon as far as Championship survival is concerned.

But I have been invited to be patron of the Morton Supporters’ Trust and I take the position up next month, so I have been watching closely what is happening at Cappielow to ensure I’m in a position to offer constructive thoughts.

Maybe the third team Shiels is putting together in the space of a year will get us out of the mess, but he’ll need to use all his experience, otherwise the spectre of part-time football looms and whatever that might mean in the longer term.

If that happens Morton will also miss out on what is shaping up to be a very exciting league next season with Rangers and Hearts involved.

There has been a quick change over of personnel and it takes a new team of players a while to bed in and respond, time Kenny Shiels may not have to make a significant difference.

I don’t deny I fancied the job as manager after Allan Moore was sacked. But my comments aren’t sour grapes, believe me.

I only want what is best for Morton and what the club needs right now is to show a bit of fighting spirit.

Calvin Zola? A striker never to be confused with Gianfranco

By ANDY RITCHIE

THERE will be a few people trotting out the poacher-turned-gamekeeper line as I make my Christmas analyses of the men whose job it is to bring goals to Scottish football.

And they’d be absolutely right, except for one important factor: I was never a poacher in the first place simply because the penalty box was a virtual no-go area for me. I’m afraid I contributed to the art of heading what Jim Baxter contributed to the culture of monastic living.

There were compensatory factors, however: I could kick that old pudding of a ball with a fair bit of venom - I must have been a mule in a previous life - from all sorts of distances and angles. Someone once remarked that I wasn’t a great goal-scorer, but that I scored great goals.

That’ll do me. Trying to score from corner kicks, in fact, was one of my party pieces for Morton. Even then, the facts suggest I didn’t need to be a penalty box specialist: I hit the onion bag 133 times in 246 games.

Anyway, back to the point of this exercise. We’ll set the ball rolling with a quick look at a couple of Celtic incomers. Only a quick look, mind you. There’s a lot of good things on telly this time of year, so we don’t need eye strain.

It’s claimed that Neil Lennon is looking to bring in more strikers. He needs to, ’cos he’s never replaced Gary Hooper in any shape or form. They say Teemu Pukki is promising to deliver the merchandise. They can say what they like. It looks to me as if he’s Harald Brattbakk in disguise. Amido Balde? You would need a radar system to find him. Sat-nav if the radar is too expensive. The stats tell it all: four-year contract, nine appearances, two goals.

Let’s be more positive for a minute. What about this intriguing guy Billy McKay up at Inverness? As evidenced by his performance against Aberdeen, he seems to have retained the knack of scoring goals. I imagine the big Yogi Hughes goes to bed praying that he doesn’t get injured, or that someone takes a real fancy to him and puts in a bid that cannot be refused.

Hey, I don’t see too many others taking up the scoring challenge at Inverness. If they were to lose Mackay, I don’t know where the goals would come from.

You might say the same thing about Kilmarnock. There you have the resurrection of Kris Boyd. He looks as if he’s got himself in shape and has rediscovered his appetite for the game. I remember him playing at Pittodrie last season, and the home crowd getting after him, suggesting he was built along the lines of a Sumo wrestler. Not any more.

He will always get goals: they just come naturally to him. But, with his regained fitness and a new and welcome maturity, he’s putting in the yards out with the box. It looks good from here.

Up at Dundee United, they’ve brought back David Goodwillie, but he’s been less than impressive. When he left United to go to Blackburn, his record couldn’t have been better, but these days it seems doubtful if he could hit a bull on the backside with a big stick. Mind you, United should worry: with their marvellous crop of youngsters, they’re getting goals from all quarters.

It’ll be interesting to see, meanwhile, what influence Terry Butcher can bring to bear on his striker, James Collins. For someone who cost £200,000 - a lot of money in these depressed times - he’s started with a whimper. But maybe Butcher will work out a system that will be beneficial to him. Whatever, Collins has much to prove. The Hibs supporters expected a lot more, after their times with guys like Griffiths, O’Connor, Fletcher and Riordan.

I’m sure some of the Motherwell fans favour a dander down memory lane, too. They said farewell to five really good players at the end of last season, but perhaps the loss of twin strikers Henrik Ojamaa and Michael Higdon was most felt. However, John Sutton has done a fair job in making people forget Higdon. And Henri Anier looks as if he’s just about to turn a corner and become a player.

Stevie May, of course, has already made his admirable mark. He’s been a revelation for St Johnstone ever since he returned from his loan spell with Hamilton Accies. He and the wee guy, Nigel Hasselbaink, have punched well above their weight, but May represents the business: he looks as if he could be a 20-goal-a-season man.

I can’t say anyone else has really caught my attention. I tell a lie: I forgot about Calvin Zola. Someone recently asked me what I’d have said about him on my report - I scouted for Aberdeen in Craig Brown’s last year as manager. Put it this way: if I’d been sent the run the rule over him and he’d played like he does for the Dons, there would have been only one visit!

To my mind, he’s been the worst signing as far as Scottish clubs are concerned. Wardrobe size, he’s a big plank of wood up front who looks as if he has little or no ability. Now Aberdeen have returned to Scott Vernon and that tells you plenty.

I understand former Dons player Zander Diamond said that his former Burton Albion colleague was unplayable on his day. I think Zander - he might not be the brightest star in the sky with that remark - got Calvin mixed up with Gianfranco Zola.

No, I don’t see him as any better than the ones who were up there when I was scouting for them. It might have been a salary that Aberdeen could have used better. Hey, with the amount of players who are in England’s lower divisions, they certainly could have got themselves somebody who would have scored goals and performed better.

Who does he remind me of? Did I hear someone say Adebayor? Eh, no! It’s hard to tag somebody who cannot play, ‘cos you’re automatically tagging somebody else who cannot play.

Maybe, of course, I’m being a bit harsh. Some players take time to settle into a new club. Calvin has a couple of things in his favour: he’s been there only a few months, and also when someone has a blast at someone like him, he suddenly becomes first scorer for Aberdeen on everyone’s coupons. Maybe I’ll be proved wrong and he’ll go on a run and score 25 goals this season.

If he does, I’ll be the first to blog that I was wrong.

Merry Christmas!

Too many coaches speak with forked tongues

 BY ANDY RITCHIE

FOOTBALL is basically a simple game which has become overcomplicated by systems and formations, numbers that add up to 11, whether it’s 1-4-4-2, 1-4-2-1-3 or 1-4-3-3 - or in Craig Levein’s case when he was Scotland coach, 1-9-1!

I’m a great believer that it’s about good players, not weird and wonderful systems dreamed up by coaches.

What’s the first thing you hear managers say when they aren’t getting it right?  - “It’s not about systems, it’s about players.”

Damn right it is. But there’s so much political spin that you become dizzy trying to understand what the hell they’re talking about and that annoys me.

If you’ve got a good team it’s because you’ve got good players – round pegs in round holes.

But the game’s full of systems and statistics. For me the only statistic that matters is how much possession you had, what you created, and how many goals you scored.

Did we defend properly; did we get in front because we were strong? None of that seems to matter anymore and that bugs me no end.

It seems to be more about finding players to fit a certain system rather than ones who are fit for purpose to play football.

The game’s about controlling the ball and passing. But there’s a coaching manual full of catchphrases and systems that would baffle the average mind.

I get the impression that it has reached the stage when a lot of players think it’s more important to fit into a system rather than performing and producing for the team as a whole.

It’s a con. A manager will begin with a certain system and if it isn’t working he’ll change it at half-time and then if he introduces a substitute who happens to deliver a pass for the winning goal or scores himself, the manager will take all the credit for his “inspired” move.

But if the same substitute does nothing, he won’t even be mentioned. So, what’s it all about? The plan is either to confuse the public or keep them in jobs.

What we need is more non-conformists and someone like Kenny Shiels fits the bill.

I met Kenny recently at a social function and we chatted away for quite some time about his views on the game.

I got the impression that he has become less confrontational and no longer feels a need to fight the world.

I’ve heard it said that in life you learn more from your mistakes than you do from your successes and I think that might well be the case as far as Kenny is concerned.

It’s all about what happens on the pitch with your own club rather than trying to solve football’s problems. It seemed that when he was in charge at Kilmarnock Kenny was in the newspapers every week commenting on some aspect or other.

It was as if he felt a need to say what others were thinking and he might have been better advised to have kept his own council.

I think he has a natural talent as a coach and is an enthusiastic deep thinker about the game with a desire to bring young players through and develop their talents through good and bad because he sees something in them that he wants in his team.

He isn’t the type to chop and change constantly for the hell of it. He wants to mould youngsters instead of shuffling the pack and Inverness could do a lot worse than appoint him as successor to Terry Butcher.

Kenny brought success to Kilmarnock and won them the League Cup. They also played attractive football and were difficult to beat.

You certainly won’t find anyone more committed and I just hope he has learned that what happens to his own team is more important than trying to change the SFA’s mindset by having fights with faceless people.

I suspect that the media was using him as a mouthpiece when he should have been concentrating far more on what mattered to Kilmarnock.

And I think if he can stay clear of issues on the periphery and not feel that he is swimming against the tide, he’ll be a better manager for it.

We’ll only find out for sure if he has changed if he gets back into management, and if he does that at Inverness and he’s looking for a scout, I’m in the market for work.